Thursday, 25 December 2008
Here I am Christmas day evening - my brain still a bit wine-wrapped from the day's festivities and thinking about today's two deaths Eartha Kitt and Harold Pinter and wondering how I'd sum up my own year.
In terms of writing, my output has probably been boolspizzle. The commission I bashed away at - did lots of legwork before becoming dishearted and conflicted about the type of story it was and whether I was the person to tell it. Funny but right now I feel I could pick it up and smack it out while no one's noticing or expecting it. Shhhhh - let's see. Reminds me that I found an old school report from when I was 8 the other day: 'Amanda is a great waster of time' ha!
So the jazz book became the centre piece of the working year. Then a mid-year trip to the UK became an unexpected turning point. Seeing old, old friends including a best friend after 7 years was not only heartening but also unsettling. I spent evenings in her house in Brockley - my daughter happily playing outside with neighbours' kids in the communal garden - feeling a growing sense of relief that I was back on familiar territory with people who know me best. Also meeting you fellow bloggers confirmed these odd bonds forged through writing alone. So my return to SA fomented a subliminal discontent - and has become in some ways 'the writing on the wall' in terms of where I stay and what I do in the future.
Then blogging of course (funny how it becomes such a huge part of one's life.) I did try to wean myself off but... Contemplating and trying to make sense of all that, has been a bit heavy this last month, I feel I've weathered some kind of emotional maelstrom. There were times when I wondered about my own sanity and even had to ask my daughter - who said I wasn't bonkers. Phew.
Happily - making art took over and became a refuge. For the last couple of months, I've been drawing like a fury (something which I haven't done in nearly 20 years) - drawing change...
So today, Christmas day afternoon I sat sketching in Gugs - drawing extended family - new children - the same olds still swearing to go dry and thought; 'I won't be sitting here next year.'..
I can see that.